It was my boyfriend’s mums birthday a few days ago but because of work we only got to meet up today. Which was a bad idea in terms of keeping to my diet. Here’s the run down – my boyfriend is six foot six and weighs nine and a half stone…how right? Well he has a condition that kicks his metabolism into overdrive and even though I kind of envy his ability to eat everything he sees and not gain weight, I know the negative things that come with his condition. This does however mean that his mother never had to regulate anything he ate as a child or a teenager because he didn’t ever stand a chance of being obese. And what is his favourite food, therefore always available at his mums house? Chocolate. And lots of it. And that’s just the beginning.
I started out today with a couple of hard boiled eggs, some wholemeal toast and a coffee. I knew I wasn’t going to get a chance to go on my walk which kind of irritated me but I kept in mind that I have been walking a lot and sticking to my diet plan so all shouldn’t be lost. But having eaten at his mums house before, I voiced my concerns to my boyfriend who didn’t really seem to understand. Which isn’t his fault I guess.
We got to his mums house and I smelled a delicious roast in the oven. And that was it. I had roast pork, potatoes, spinach, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, home made yorkshire puddings and gravy. It was probably the best meal I have eaten in almost two weeks and I knew why. It was laden with fat, carbohydrates and delicious added salt. It doesn’t end there either. I then had apple pie, cream and some ice cream that my daughter wanted me to have. I know, I know, blaming a three year old isn’t fair but I was too far gone I tells ya! I rounded it all off with a bar of chocolate and a cupcake. Oh yeah, and a bag of doritos.
I cleared my calorie counter and then some and I have to admit I was feeling pretty down on myself. Until I thought about what I had done earlier on in the day and how good it made me feel. My boyfriend had a meeting so my before we went to his mums house for her birthday lunch (that turned out to be my undoing) I went to the park for an hour or so with my daughter. We hunted for fairies in the woods, climbed up a snow slippery hill and chased each other back and forth across the fields until my boyfriend came and found us.
It wasn’t until I got back to the car and changed my daughters muddy jeans (and recovered the shoe she lost in the mud swamp!) that I realised that I hadn’t smoked in almost two hours. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t consciously realise that I hadn’t smoked and I realised why I hadn’t noticed this time. I hadn’t noticed that I wanted a cigarette because I was having so much fun. I feel better, even if it’s too early for me to look better.
Another thing I noticed was that things don’t happen overnight. My healthy eating habits won’t appear from nowhere and nor will my urge to quit smoking. One small step at a time I am getting closer and if I eat my way into oblivion on the odd occasion when a birthday or celebration calls for it, the rest of the time when I eat well will balance it out eventually. I think people who are trying so desperately to lose weight are too hard on themselves when they cave in, but I think the need to repeat those behaviours once in a while and safely return back to a healthy lifestyle full time without yearning for the bad eating habits, is the real goal.
Supermodels eat chocolate. Hollywood movie stars have burgers now and then. People with perfect bodies don’t deny themselves everything, but they know exactly what they are saying yes to and exactly why they are saying it. They don’t eat food to feel better about themselves, or to comfort themselves into contentedness – they eat food to enjoy it, because lets face it, most of the food healthy living calls for isn’t all that enjoyable.
Having healthy attitudes towards food is in my mind more important than denying yourself everything you want ALL THE TIME. Understanding why you shouldn’t eat certain foods all the time, instead of just telling yourself that you blindly can’t have them is the real progress. And whenever I get down on myself or take a particularly hard knock falling off the wagon I remember that I am doing it for her –
My daughter and best friend, Molly ❤
And that sometimes I should just slow down and forget about the things that scare me, like empty calories and double chins, and remember that once upon a time I was a fearless and thoughtful as my daughter, who is without a doubt, the happiest person I know 🙂
Looking for fairies in the woods 🙂
(regardless of the cold!)